This has been an interesting 5/6 days. I feel like a lot has gone on, emotionally and just in general. Nothing bad, just wanted to reflect on it.
For starters, I had an awesome 5 days with Travis. This is totally unheard of, in our world. Long story short, if you don’t already know is, long distance sucks, for people who don’t want to be in LDR’s.
moving on…Saturday was perfect. Travis and I went to breakfast at our favorite breakfast spot in Downtown Sac. We got a little bit of a late start, because we went out on friday, but that was okay. After breakfast, we drove to Santa Cruz, where we spent the day at the boardwalk and on the beach. We had a lot of fun. Secondly, we got to stay at my aunts house (she was out of town) so we made use of her bar ;)
Early sunday morning we made our way out of Santa Cruz towards Ukiah, CA. This is where Trav is from. It was the day of his Grand Fathers memorial. Granted, I didn’t know his grandfather very well, but I had met him once. The day started out a tad awkward with some good ol family drama, but it got a lot better, as the day went on.
now, I didn’t think that I would cry at the memorial. I don’t know, maybe because I didn’t know Jack Dooley well, but I deff cried. I think a lot of it has to do with repressed emotions around the death of my mother in high school. Being a mature adult now, when I look back on that time of my life, I deff did not grieve in a way that I know I would have done so now. Part of me feels guilty that I didn’t give more, do more, for my mother.
I feel like she wasn’t remembered in the best way. Now, how was I supposed to know what one is supposed to do when a parent passes at 16? I didn’t. Maybe my mom, step dad, grandpa did the best that they could? I’m not really sure. The memorial just made me miss her a lot. She small memories that I have of her. Sometimes they don’t seem like enough.
The rest of the weekend just consisted of family time and being with Travis. It was really nice. It’s what I needed. It was safe, comfortable, enjoyable and perfect. Now, I can’t wait for every weekend to be like this. Only time can tell when Trav and I will be able to live together!